Tuesday, July 17, 2018

Sales of Black Berets Surge as Resistance Movement Grows

BERKELEY, CA—Sales of black berets in the United States have surged as an increasing number of A-list celebrities, college professors, students, and political pundits join the growing Resistance movement. 

The popular knit caps evoke the bold fashion statement first made by the French underground during World War II as they defied Nazi Germany. 

But today the cute fuzzy chapeaux have been deemed the perfect accessory for vogue virtual signaling.

“The half-witted fuck-knuckle currently in the Oval Office is worse than Hitler,” said Leena Le Crétin, a Leisure Studies major at UC Berkeley, proudly sporting black beret while protesting tax cuts in the campus quad. “The president’s inane Tweets are the moral equivalent of invading Europe and sending millions to the gas chambers.”

“Hence the hat,” she added.

The Resistance in the United States grew out of opposition to the election of Donald Trump in 2016. In an effort to recapture the excitement and romance of previous legitimate opposition movements, activists soon settled on the black beret as a fitting symbol of defiance.

As for the original Resistance movement of the 1940s, soon after the Allied victory  berets became passé among the French. Mimes and San Francisco-based Beat poets quickly scooped up the deeply discounted hipster hats. Later, it was a sartorial staple of Che Guevara, who was personally responsible for the execution of hundreds of Cubans.

Unfortunately, the black beret was eventually appropriated by English comedy troupe Monty Pythons Flying Circus.

“Don’t even get me started on that,” said Le Crétin.

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